ok... getting serious now

i think i am going to switch my diet around a bit and take it even more seriously.. i keep giving myself too much leeway. i know i exercise a lot, and i know that indulging every once and a while is not a crime, but i keep making excuses and eating things i shouldn't or eating more than i should. i am so frustrated and get taken over by guilt afterwards... and i really would like to not have to purge when i don't have to.. on top of counting my calories, i am going to watch my carb intake (and only eat whole wheat carbs, like i already do), try harder to eat mostly only things that come from the ground, start following the 1/2 rule (anything i eat, i will only eat a half of it.. then i can save the other half for later and have less groceries to buy.. which is a good thing =]) and try to intake more liquids than solids. i wanted to try an all liquid diet, but i know that won't work.. i really want a juicer for next year though. i'm really stressing because i have a photoshoot this saturday morning. i know i'm not going to look as thin as i'd like, but would like to at least feel a little thinner and more confident. i'm feeling so fat.. after four one hour and twenty minute ballet classes and running all around the city to deliver paperwork for my apartment next year, i went to the gym and ran ten miles. i am working so hard, but i just want to shed it all off. i know that can't happen right away, but i wish it would happen faster. i've got to be more patient, i know, but i just am feeling so down about it. i think i'm going to lean more towards anorexia now, but purge only when i feel necessary, or if for some reason i break a rule. it really sucks when you're italian, because you're pretty much bred to love food, but i am determined to overcome that.