good people

before i start with anything, thank you both so much for the comments you left me. i appreciate it so much, and it meant a lot. honestly, like even a few months ago, had i seen this break up coming, i always imagined myself handling it differently. i always had this image of myself really breaking down and going off the deep end. for some reason when it happened, i just felt sad, but like i said, i feel like a weight has been lifted and i can finally take some time to put me first in my life. my life has taken a turn for the positive and all together, i am just a more enjoyable person to be around. when you can feel that something is not right (i felt it for a while) it brings you down in everything that you do. i feel almost as if i'm starting over again. my friends and parents have all been so supportive, and i couldn't be happier knowing that, and finally being in a place where i am comfortable. i've always been kind of a weak person.. my feelings get hurt easily and i'm always scared about what others will think of me. i'm nervous and shy until i get to know people, and i have ZERO self confidence and have absolutely no idea how to stand up for myself. all of the sudden i feel as if i am strong. i feel like i grew up so much this year. my eyes have just been opened to so many things. i am still left a little confused though.. i mean he texted me yesterday just to say hi and last night at like 2 in the morning, he texted me saying, "you're a really good person. don't respond, i just wanted you to hear it." i'm glad that he thinks this, i mean, i'm glad that why we broke up was not for the reason that either of us did anything wrong.. and i'm still really glad that he realizes that there have been times where i think i have been "too" nice to him. him telling me that i'm a "good person" makes me feel really good, but at the same time a little guilty. i don't know... it just struck me as sort of an odd thing to say at that time. i sort of don't know how i should take that statement, but i guess i shouldn't over think it and just take it for what it's worth. it was just so random, and i wasn't sure whether to take it as a compliment or a backhanded insult.. i am getting the feeling that he is a little bitter, but still, if he can't have the same feelings away from me that he can when we're together, then long distance won't work for him. maybe when we've both reevaluated our feelings, it will work later on. or maybe it won't. we will just have to see. my friends have been so supportive of me lately, and are really helping me fill that empty space. i couldn't ask for better ones. on a different note, today has actually been a good day.. i have almost secured my apartment for next year (thank god.. all i have to do is turn in the first month's rent and it'll be taken off the market..), the sun is up again, and i have lost three pounds. my current weight is 118. i also applied to be a spokesperson for this really expensive leotard designer which means that i can get some discounted and even free just to promote the company.. i really hope i get it. since i got out of class so early, i think i am going to go run for a few hours. i try to fit in at least five miles every day, but i think i'm going to shoot for ten today. i really really REALLY need to get back to focusing on my weight.. i'm surprised i didn't gain a lot in a weekend considering how i was force fed chocolates and ice cream =/. i was able to purge some of it, but not all of it, without exercising.