can't get no satisfaction

today while i was on the phone with my mom, crying about my worries about my relationship, immediately after i had presented how proud i was of myself about stepping forward and being the brains behind the operation of apartment searching (which was pissing me off to no end just yesterday), she brought fourth an interesting point. she said, "you are never satisfied. you are always sad about something, and the minute that you get over that and you're ok, you find something else to be sad about. you are obsessed with being sad." ok.. well not all of that is accurate because i am NOT obsessed with being sad.. i don't want to be sad. but the fact that i am never satisfied is true. if it's not one thing, than it's another. i was just upset with my future roommates about all the shit that's happened between us, then i became sad about my relationship, and if it's not that, then maybe i want more attention in ballet class or not dancing up to par, or maybe i am looking "thicker" than usual, or maybe it's my friends from home, or maybe my family.. maybe i should drink less, maybe i should just go out and get completely wasted and forget all of this.. but then if i do that, i'll wake up and regret that and be upset about that. god, i want to be satisfied someday. i should probably mention that this blog is therapeutic. my mom said i should stop bothering people with my problems... i have no trouble making friends but i seem to have trouble keeping them because no one wants to hear what i have to say.. which i can't blame them, because i guess i really can be a downer sometimes.. but then people get annoyed and apparently think that i am fake and attention seeking. that is not true. but i do understand about the whole being a downer thing. it turns people off.. but i do need someone or something or some way to just let these out.. it's getting to the point of where i think it might be getting dangerous. that's why i started this. someday though... someday when i am happy completely.. not just happy from an intense shopping high to make me forget other problems, or happy from just eating a delicious meal only to be pissed later when i realize how many calories i just ingested, or any other kind of short lived high a person can be on only to be brought down shortly after, maybe i won't have to use this... right now, who knows when that will be =/. probably not for a while until i really figure out more about myself.